Thursday, 22 June 2017

Every good and perfect gift is from above. James 1.17

It took me longer to write this story than to give birth! The truth is child birth cannot be contained in words. It is entangled with heaps of  emotions . This mysterious storm of pregnancy & childbirth has changed me for good . Anyway I think I deserve a round of applause for completing this post between feeding , diaper change and lack of sleep.

So here goes..

We were asked to come in for an induction at 40 weeks. I was given a sublingual tablet at 5.30am on April 11th and was told that I would be checked again in the next few hours. Since nothing happened for sometime me and rohit figured there was no point in us waiting so we went off to sleep.

At around 6.30 am i started getting a cramp like ache in my lower stomach.We decided to go for a short walk after our breakfast to see if I could get some contractions going. As hours passed by ,the pain grew inside me. It was bad but I was able to bear it so I would call them extreme menstrual cramps.  Those were actually contractions building up energy to squash me like a tornadao.

By 12.30pm I was starting to feel pretty uncomfortable .  I knew the pain was crossing the bearable limits. After having a light lunch  i went  in for a pelvic examination. I dreaded pelvic examination and screamed my lungs out every single time. I was  supposedly dilated to 2cm . The doctor told me that there was a septum( same being the reason for painful pelvic examination) which can probably be a hinderance or could cause a tear when the baby pushes itself to come out. But  sometimes it can also move out of the way when the baby comes.

At 1.30pm i was taken inside the delivery room for giving me injection (pitocin) to induce more contractions.I couldn’t cope up with the injection as it was causing  incessant cramping. The contractions were getting mighty strong . The pain was stabbing. I felt like  my intestines were being twisted.  This was definitely not anything like menstrual cramps. It was intense excruciating pain. The pain left me feeling tortured. The worst thing is that as soon as you get through one contraction you know another one is on its way. It was wearing me down. As time passed by the time gap between two subsequent contractions reduced leaving me no time to even breathe in between. I felt like someone was wringing my tummy like an old dishrag. During each contraction my stomach became as stiff as a wood. I had heavy sweat sessions going on. Towards the end I don't know if it was sweat or tears on my face. I've heard that child birth is painful but this was beyond anything I have imagined or felt. No wonder it is being talked about so much.

After this they let rohit come inside. Phew . Atleast i had shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold on to. He helped me throughout the pain talking to me  and helping me calm down . He did everything that he can to make me feel good.

Soon the doctor decided to break my amniotic sac. Gush came rushing in a ton of amniotic fluid. Again that was a painful scenario( due to the septum). I squished my husband's hand with all the energy i had while this was done . I'm surprised that his fingers  are still intact.

I felt all the muscles  of my lower back and stomach twitching and aching.  In one malayalam movie there is an actor named jagathy who was supposedly insane  . He meets the psychiatrist and he describes his problem. He tells that he feels like a  horse was running in his stomach. I felt the same thing. The only difference being i was sane.

Another pelvic examination was done only to find that I was only dilated to 5cm with no progress . No crowning of head. No feeling of pushing. Only waves of heavily painful contractions.These contractions i tell you had a mind of their own . After waiting till 5.30pm finally the doctor decided  that I should go in for a c-section.

 The contractions wouldn’t stop long enough for me to get off the bed where I was kneeing and into the wheelchair. So off I went to the operation theatre in a stretcher. While I was taken out of the room rohit walked alongside the stretcher i was taken in. He held my hand and said  dont worry.  I got a glimpse of my father ,teary eyed mother, father in law ,mother in law and sister in law all of them awaiting anxiously. I think each of them were saying prayers inside their head. Till this day I  believe that the prayers of my husband.,my in-laws and my parents and both sisters got me through this safely.

At around 6.05pm i was taken inside. Once inside the operation theatre I was given spinal anesthesia. It's effect was immediate. I felt  alleviated. I could ultimately say goodbye to contractions. The numbness settled in from my stomach till toe. I was  fully conscious but I felt serenity around me the second the pain left me . During the operation i was constantly mumbling prayers for everything to go on well. After   sometime the doctor took out the baby she said "it's a baby boy. He is finally here" At 6.45 pm our little  king, Ryan George Thomas(  weighing 3.029kg ) was born.My heart skipped a beat with pure joy when I  heard his cry. Hearing that wail i was taken into a world of delight. This little human, of whom I was dreaming to meet was here after 10 long months. I was brimming with absolute glee. My face exploded into million smiles and tears overflowed. It's funny how I forgot all the pain i went through , the second , i knew my pumpkin was here .

Even though the labour took longer than what I expected I'm very glad by gods grace everything went well . I believe that this child is a gift from god. Me and rohit are only take carers. We both are ever grateful to god for ryan. This journey was magical even though there are many ups and downs. It's totally worth it.

 Overall I’m amazed at how pregnancy and childbirth is easy for some women while it takes a troll on others. It's different for every women. The realisation of how my mother carried me for 10 months and gave birth dawned on me after this journey. I salute her. I also respect all the mothers in this entire world.

I still can’t really get my head around the fact that I am a Mother. As far as the updates on the baby..Well ryan is so far a calm baby. He doesn't cry unless he is hungry or if he has gas troubles.  He is a cheerful 2 and a half month old who is desperately curious to explore this fascinating world.

Ryan at 9 weeks.

Wednesday, 5 October 2016

Stepping on the ladder towards a healthy heart

I slack on the couch in the morning taking pleasure in sipping from my beer bottle and crunching on a packet of Chips as I watch the never ending cascade of television shows. My ‘work at home’ option has made me and my couch inseparable. I have monthly targets to meet. Failing to reach the monthly goal will leave me without a job. Though I’m well aware of this chilling situation I still procrastinate my duties till the last week of the month. It’s like dragging my own feet into fire by putting off everything I’m entitled to be doing.
                                              Image Source

That last week of every month is stressful. I become so anxious that I forget to eat food and end up ordering food from outside.  The constant worry about the list of things to do doesn’t allow me to sleep. I stay awake the whole night trying to finish up my work. I have pangs of attacks imagining myself without a job. In those days I feel like a devil has entered my body and sucked out all my happiness leaving me in desolation. There was a point when I don’t even attend phone calls from my parents. I smoke more than ten cigarettes per day during that week to keep my cool. After an extreme chase after time by hook or by crook I complete that particular month’s target.

I saw the doctor’s eyes widen as I spoke and at some point I think he even stopped blinking.

“Phew! I have your ECG reports . There are slight variations in the ECG.I’m sorry to tell you that it seems that you had a mild heart attack.”

I couldn't believe those words. I felt anesthetized for a minute.

Seeing my anxious face the doctor said “Calm down!  I asked you to narrate your monthly routine to know your lifestyle. He showed me a picture which looked like this
 I paid heed to every word that spilled from him because now I’m in desperate need to be alive.
He said “These small steps will bring an enormous transformation to a healthy heart.”

1.      Stay Active
*You will have to revert your ‘work at home ‘option and say goodbye to your couch. 

*Walk to your office or walk 30 minutes per day prior to work. You can increase the time gradually.

* Enroll in yoga classes or a fitness center if you think walking is not your cup of tea.

Image Source
2.      Eating Healthy
*Make use of the time you take for television to cook yourself homemade healthy food. 

*Consume green leafy vegetables, fruits and fiber rich foods.

* You will have to steer clear of junk food, alcoholic beverages and smoking. 

*Keep yourself hydrated all the time. You must have a minimum of 8 glasses per day.

 *Keep in mind that excess of salt and sugar is damaging.

*Go low on the caffeine and dairy products

*Add grounded flax seeds to your food. 

*Switch to Oats instead of fatty breakfast. Saffola Masala Oats is a good option for this.

3.      Being Happy
By postponing your work you are indirectly causing trauma to your mind and straining your body. Only if the soul is happy the body will stay healthy. You need to complete your tasks daily instead of dawdling with it and pushing it till the end. In this way not only can you sleep better but you can also live peacefully without any fear of the future.

Before leaving the clinic I promised the doctor that I will follow these small steps to living a healthy heart and a healthy life.

“I am joining the Saffolalife #ChhoteKadam initiative in association with BlogAdda and follow these small steps for a healthy heart.”


Monday, 3 October 2016

the teenage boy and his unspoken love

 I think I have a small crush on her.
Wait no.
I definitely have a crush on her.
It started as a small one and it's not that small anymore. I cannot make my heart stop beating those thunder beats though my mind is trying its best to stop this nonsense.
Sometimes I secretly wish she stares at me when I look away.
I feel like I become speechless when I'm near her.
 I have a million  things to tell her but i become breathless at her sight.
It's an amazing feeling.
 It is euphoric. It's addictive.
The best part is I haven't told her about it so I don't need to worry about how she will react. I don't want to scare her away.
So I guess I'll never tell her because I can't handle rejection.
Perhaps she might not be the same if i tell her this.
 But wait !

What if...just what if she has a crush on me as well?

 I wish I could read her mind.
 I think about her everyday.
 I try to hide my feelings.
 I try not to stare.
I search for her face among the crowd.
 I have read about one sided love in story books.
Who knew it can actually happen in real life as well.
 Wait..... did I just say love?

---- the teenage boy & his unspoken love



Friday, 30 September 2016


26, January 2001 [Republic Day]
 Place: Baroda, Gujarat

                                 As usual I was struggling to write an essay in Gujarati. I despised attending tuition classes on holidays but I was left with no choice. My low marks in gujarati brought me here every morning at 8. This day was no different than the other days till…. …

......……..Till I felt someone pushing my chair back and forth. I instantly turned around.

 No one was there.


                         I calmed my thoughts and told myself that I must have imagined that. But the look on my teacher’s face who was sitting opposite to me made me realise that it was no imagination. I saw her looking behind her chair with uncertainty. Before I could tell her what I felt, we heard a loud thump from the kitchen. We both hurried off to the kitchen to find the kitchen shelves shaking heavily and vessels flying down one by one. We looked around the house with an insecure mind clueless to what is happening around us.

                          I had seen a horror movie about evil spirits on the television three days prior to this incident. I kept having flashbacks of the different scenes in the movie. I thought that the evil spirit which I saw on t.v is now here in this house and it is going to take our lives in a flash. We both came back to the living room and what we saw here was even more creepy. The tubelights were flickering.The wall hangings lay on the floor and table drawers were opening and closing on its own. The only thing an eleven year old could comprehend at that time was that everything in the house had a life of its own.

                         We both screamed as loud as we can. Just then, I heard a man (I assume he was the neighbour) screaming “Bhookamp aayaa!” BHAAAGOO!! [ It means “ It’s an earthquake. RUNNN!]. It was that moment when I realised that there was no ghost around but the house in which we are standing will fall down any second from now.

                                  The fear of death was pulsating through every vein in my body .This seismic wave amplified my desperate need to survive. In those trembling moments I realised that my existence was a gift from god and it can be seized away in a jiffy. I was naively whispering frantic prayers to god while sprinting out the door.

                                  As both of us hurried out the house we saw people walking as fast as they could to an open ground nearby. We followed them. Everyone had only one thing in their mind and it was to somehow survive this wobble of the terrain.

                                  In about fifteen minutes the crowd gathered at the playground started chitchatting. I was also calmed down by now . Each of them started telling their stories. Gladly no houses fell down and no one was injured here. I was a bit worried as my mind started popping questions like “ is my family okay?” and " did our house breakdown?
                                  .When I returned home I was happy to find my family safe and sound. As they told their version of the story I switched on the television to see if the world around us is still intact. It was found that this earthquake had terrible affect in many areas of Gujarat but the main area of focus was Bhuj.It killed nearly 20 thousand people destroying their houses and leaving them bare.

 The news said that the earthquake lasted for only 2 minutes. Those two minutes felt like eternity

. One thing I know for sure was………

 ......someone was watching over us that day.

Monday, 19 September 2016

The dot, turban and the hijab.


               It was another day at middle school. I still had not made any friends. Well , the truth is I really tried but no one  wanted to be my friend. It was lunch time and I was looking for a place to sit in the cafeteria. This is one thing I dread the most. Everyone had a group of friends of their own. The popular group sat in the corner. They were the cheerleaders, basketball players, kids with good looks (most of them wore makeup so cannot really tell if they were really good looking) and then there were the rich kids who only wore only branded clothes , shoes.  I certainly did not belong there because I didn’t have the skinny body type which those cheerleaders had. Forget sports. I cannot even do ten push-ups straight. I wore clothes which I got on sale from JCpenny and not Armani, Gucci or Nike. When it came to looks neither did i  wear fake lashes nor did I have hair extensions.  I did not have a tongue piercing, tattoos or coloured silky straight hair. The only thing I wore was eyeliner and I always carried a chapstick for my dry lips. My hair was curly and frizzy and always looked a mess.
            Then there was another group of kids. They played music while they were eating. They seemed to be having a lot of fun. They were singing some song and one of them was even dancing to it. But I was not sure if they would mock me if I sat with them because I wasn’t dressed like them and I didn’t have a clue which song they were playing.
           I saw a bunch of kids who were not a part of any group. They were not even speaking to each other. Each of them in their own little world , fiddling with their food. I decided to sit with them. When I sat down the boy who sat right opposite to me said hello. I said hi back and smiled.  After sometime I realised that there was a teacher sitting along with them. She smiled at me and asked me

Teacher: Why are you sitting here? Aren’t you embarrassed to be sitting with the kids with special needs?

Me: oh! I’m sorry I don’t know what are special needs students?

She explained that these kids sitting beside me had autism, Down syndrome, dyslexia, blindness and ADHD. Such kids are given extra care and she has  been with them for the past 8 years. This is the first time someone has come forward to sit with them during lunch.

I instantly became friends with these kids and we had lunch together every day.  

One day they were a bit late for lunch so I sat with a new group of kids and this was the conversation that followed.

Harry: Hey brown girl. How did you get to USA? Did you jump a fence or something?
The rest of the kids were laughing to this


Bianca: Aren’t you supposed to be having a dot on your forehead?

Me: It’s not a dot. It’s called bindhi. It can be worn by anyone but it is the tradition of Hindu culture in India. It has its own significance. Since I’m a Christian I don’t wear bindhi that often.

Thomas: There are Christians in India? I thought y’all were all Muslims!

Me: We have more than nine religions in India.

Harry: okay so do y’all speak Indonesia?

Me:Omg!  Indonesia is country. It’s not a language.

Bianca: Don’t your men wear turban and women hide their faces with this black cloth. Where is your black cloth?

Me: The Sikhs in India wear turban. It's their identity.  The women who wore black cloth. It called a hijab and it is worn by all muslim women around the world and I think its beautiful.

Thomas: Why did you people bomb us in 9/11? You should go back to Iraq

Me: We did not do bomb the U.S. It was done by terrorists. Terrorists can be from any country. They do not have a religion. They are paid to kill people. India and Iraq are two different countries of the continent Asia. Iraq is in the middle eastern part of asia and india is in the southern part. You people need to learn your geography and watch the news more before making a comment.  I do not walk around carrying a bomb. I am human being just like you. I have feelings too.  Don’t be so ignorant about the world around you. Don’t hate. And don’t spread hatred. I sit with the kids with special needs everyday at lunch because no one has taught them hatred.They smile at me all the time. They know me as the kid who sit with them and help them with their lunch. They don’t identify me as an Indian. They don't  identify me as a muslim. They see me as their friend. That is the difference between those kids  and you.  

Well to be honest. I did not say the last paragraph. These were the words that echoed inside me. These were the words I wanted to scream out but I kept it inside. I was too shocked to believe that people can be so ignorant and stereotypical of other races.

I remained silent as i walked out of the cafeteria wishing I was back in India

Tuesday, 23 August 2016

Breaking the shackles of laziness

Hello world. 

                      I'm the kind of person who prefers using pen and paper while writing a post and typing it out later  . That being said i just realised now that the last time I lifted up a pen to write something here was eight long months ago. Yes my last blog post was in December and then boom. I vanished somewhere. I will tell you where i was hiding all this while in a minute, but before that let me just tell you that today's post may not be as fun or creative as my earlier post's because I have lost that rhythm of writing and i need time to get back so cut me some slack guys.  I tried a lot to refresh my mind on what to write and dug every groove of my brain to get a spark . I tried to put myself into the skin of characters and write a story but today is just not the day. It's like you have been inside a dark cave and today when you decide to finally come out the bright sun is giving your eyes a hard time to open up and see the world.

                      So the mysterious question of where i was all this while comes back. You can say that this is what LOVE does to you. (blushing). or maybe it's my laziness.  Yes that's right . My wedding date was fixed in January and i fell in love with the person my parent's found me. His name is Rohit Thomas. We got engaged on the 2nd of April and our  wedding was a month later on the 7th of May. It was exactly two days after my birthday. From here on I  became We & Mine became Ours. We will share the link for  you to have a sneak peak  of the most beautiful time of my life (engagement and wedding ) below.  

Wedding :

Art by : me :-)
Have a great day :)

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

CHENNAI - a role model city

Clouds burst pouring out darkness,
The thunderstorms showed it's vengeance.
The city was submerged,
But our souls cannot be engulfed.
Even when stress flooded our minds
when we had nothing to eat
Even when roaring tides masked the screams,
We knew it was all temporary
And Our hopes did not fade a bit.
For we knew the clouds will dissolve
Bringing back the smiling sun.
We witnessed oneness as the flooded rivers overflowed
Breaking down the boundaries of religion
Demolishing bridges separating rich and the poor
Helping hands arose every corner,
Mankind displayed selfless care.
We can either live through the flood or let it drown us,
We decided the former.

This poem is dedicated to all the people of chennai who
are out there offering a helping hand to others. I love chennai and
I'm proud to say that I have spent 5 years of my college life there. Dedicated to all CHENNAI-ITES! You guys are a role model to others.